Feelings

Feelings. They make life so confusing. Sometimes I think life would be a lot easier if we didn't have emotions. But then, what kind of life would that be? Easier isn't always better.

I have struggled to make sense out of my fluctuating feelings for years. I've puzzled over how one day I can be on top of the world and the next day something as trivial as an extra chore can make my mountain melt into an avalanche of depression and doubt. I've cried myself to sleep countless nights, demanding God to explain my feelings, provide a diagnosis and a cure, and then shaking an angry fist at my ceiling when it provides no voice. I've begged, coaxed, cajoled, entreated, pouted....everything I've ever heard that would provoke an answer from God. Every now and then something would come along and shake me out of my doubt, a verse, a phrase, a beautiful sight, or (as in the previous post) a dragonfly. But for the most part, I got this answer:


Silence. 

Silence, when you feel you need an answer, is about the most frustrating thing. Silence from God is just plain scary. Is He still there? God always answers us right? So, how come I didn't hear it? God, God! Wake up! I need you! You're still there right? God!? Hello! GOD!

You can quickly become spiritually hysterical that way. I know. I've been there. 

But God recently opened my doubt-blinded eyes to this rather obvious but nonetheless helpful truth:

My feelings have absolutely no effect on His promises.

He's here even when I don't feel His presence.

He cares even when I don't feel His concern.

He loves me even when I don't feel His arms around me.

He's guiding me even when I don't feel His direction.

He's faithful even when I feel forsaken.

All it comes down to is whether I believe that or not. I choose to believe it. I choose to trust a God I can understand rather than my own deceitful heart that even I can't understand!