I am officially announcing my new blog! I know this one is pretty new but it was hard keeping up with two blogs, my personal one and my devotional one, so I decided to combine them into one brand new blog!
Here's the link.
www.hearts-unfold.blogspot.com
Hope you enjoy!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Just Like That
The room was dark. As my eyes adjusted I was able to make out my niece’s face from the little bit of light that crept through the crack in the door.
Three-year-old Mikaela stirred as I curled up in bed beside her. I tried to ease into a comfortable position without waking her, but soon I found two, round brown eyes staring into mine. Her thumb tucked securely in her mouth, Mikaela rubbed her left ear. I smiled and leaned over to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. I little hand came around my neck and held me close for a moment. I squeezed back and then we settled down to go to sleep...or so I thought.
Mikaela, wide awake now, began to sing along with the music playing softly in the room.
“Jesus loves the little ones like me, me, me...”
I gave a small sigh. I wouldn’t be going to sleep for a little while.
The song ended and the next one was one Mikaela didn’t know...but I did. My heart began to ache a little bit as I recognized the song.
“This was one of my granddaddy’s favorite songs,” I whispered to Kaela.
“The wrinkled one?” Mikaela whispered back.
“No, not that one. My other granddaddy.” I sensed her confusion and added hesitantly, “He died.”
I waited anxiously for her response. How much did she understand about death?
“Aw, that’s sad.” Kaela responded sympathetically. Then she went back to sucking her thumb. Just like that.
Just like that, part of my heart was healed.
Just like that, I learned something important about grieving, about comforting, about caring, about sympathy.
Mikaela’s response was heartfelt. She really did think it was sad, but she didn’t dwell on it. She had compassion, but there was no pity. There was no deep discussion about pain and grief and whys and hows. Instead, there was a refreshing simplicity that poured like cool water over my soul.
I did cry that night, but they weren’t bitter tears this time; they were tears of healing, of letting go.
I cried, and then I went to sleep. Just like that.
Three-year-old Mikaela stirred as I curled up in bed beside her. I tried to ease into a comfortable position without waking her, but soon I found two, round brown eyes staring into mine. Her thumb tucked securely in her mouth, Mikaela rubbed her left ear. I smiled and leaned over to plant a soft kiss on her forehead. I little hand came around my neck and held me close for a moment. I squeezed back and then we settled down to go to sleep...or so I thought.
Mikaela, wide awake now, began to sing along with the music playing softly in the room.
“Jesus loves the little ones like me, me, me...”
I gave a small sigh. I wouldn’t be going to sleep for a little while.
The song ended and the next one was one Mikaela didn’t know...but I did. My heart began to ache a little bit as I recognized the song.
“This was one of my granddaddy’s favorite songs,” I whispered to Kaela.
“The wrinkled one?” Mikaela whispered back.
“No, not that one. My other granddaddy.” I sensed her confusion and added hesitantly, “He died.”
I waited anxiously for her response. How much did she understand about death?
“Aw, that’s sad.” Kaela responded sympathetically. Then she went back to sucking her thumb. Just like that.
Just like that, part of my heart was healed.
Just like that, I learned something important about grieving, about comforting, about caring, about sympathy.
Mikaela’s response was heartfelt. She really did think it was sad, but she didn’t dwell on it. She had compassion, but there was no pity. There was no deep discussion about pain and grief and whys and hows. Instead, there was a refreshing simplicity that poured like cool water over my soul.
I did cry that night, but they weren’t bitter tears this time; they were tears of healing, of letting go.
I cried, and then I went to sleep. Just like that.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Feelings
I have struggled to make sense out of my fluctuating feelings for years. I've puzzled over how one day I can be on top of the world and the next day something as trivial as an extra chore can make my mountain melt into an avalanche of depression and doubt. I've cried myself to sleep countless nights, demanding God to explain my feelings, provide a diagnosis and a cure, and then shaking an angry fist at my ceiling when it provides no voice. I've begged, coaxed, cajoled, entreated, pouted....everything I've ever heard that would provoke an answer from God. Every now and then something would come along and shake me out of my doubt, a verse, a phrase, a beautiful sight, or (as in the previous post) a dragonfly. But for the most part, I got this answer:
Silence.
Silence.
Silence, when you feel you need an answer, is about the most frustrating thing. Silence from God is just plain scary. Is He still there? God always answers us right? So, how come I didn't hear it? God, God! Wake up! I need you! You're still there right? God!? Hello! GOD!
You can quickly become spiritually hysterical that way. I know. I've been there.
All it comes down to is whether I believe that or not. I choose to believe it. I choose to trust a God I can understand rather than my own deceitful heart that even I can't understand!
But God recently opened my doubt-blinded eyes to this rather obvious but nonetheless helpful truth:
My feelings have absolutely no effect on His promises.
He's here even when I don't feel His presence.
He cares even when I don't feel His concern.
He loves me even when I don't feel His arms around me.
He's guiding me even when I don't feel His direction.
He's faithful even when I feel forsaken.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Dragonflies
Has God ever demonstrated His love to you so powerfully and intimately that it took your breath away? Have you ever felt Him so close that you were afraid to move or breathe? I have. It is the best feeling on earth!
One day, a few months back, I felt the need for some peaceful relaxation, some time to be alone with God and just focus on Him. So I went out on my front porch with some ice cream. I always enjoy that. I like to admire the feeling of stillness. It seems like life freezes for a moment and I can regather my frazzled spirit.
This time however, I wasn't finding peace. Part of me was relaxed, but deep inside I was still anxious, disturbed. I struggled with it, but it refused to budge. God, what is this? I cried. After a few moments of silence I gave up trying and sat in misery, trying to ignore this part of me in an uproar.
I noticed some dragonflies flitting around. I like dragonflies. One landed relatively close to me. It'll probably fly off as soon as I move closer, I thought. Nevertheless I moved toward it. Just as I thought, the dragonfly instantly took to the air. However, my disappointment was shortlived. Instead of flying away, the dragonfly came and landed right in front of me. I caught my breath.
God, did you do that for me? Did You bring that little bug right to me? Somehow I knew He had! God, do You really love me that much? To do something so small, yet so personal? I stared at that dragonfly for a good while, enjoying the best feeling on earth.
"But as for me, the nearness of God is my good..." Psalm 73:28
This reminds me of a similar occasion. A few months ago I was working hard on school. I was overwhelmed with tons of catch-up work. I stayed at home all day, every day, for weeks (I'm homeschooled), while my family went places without me. I burnt-out very quickly.
One day my brother had a baseball game in a town a few hours from our house. My family was going to make a day of it. I finally decided to let school go for one day and go along. It was spring, the first really warm day we'd had that year. I gave myself permission to forget about all my worries for one day and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
On the way home I was carefree. I felt as if I could float off the ground. I sang out of sheer need to let some of the joy out that was bubbling up in me.
And then, just as I thought I could feel no happier, God did something amazing, outrageous! A black truck whizzed past me...and on the back window these words were plastered, "Jesus Loves You." Such a simple thing.
I laughed in delight at those three simple words. I thought I would burst with joy. God had done that specifically for me!! He had planned the whole thing. Just think of all the things He had to get together for that truck to whiz past me just at that moment! How marvelous!
I never knew those three words, "Jesus Loves You," could mean so much. We throw that phrase out so carelessly sometimes, without stopping to really ponder the full weight of their meaning. This time it was different though; I knew that God was communicating to me in a special, personal way. It was the best feeling on earth.
One day, a few months back, I felt the need for some peaceful relaxation, some time to be alone with God and just focus on Him. So I went out on my front porch with some ice cream. I always enjoy that. I like to admire the feeling of stillness. It seems like life freezes for a moment and I can regather my frazzled spirit.
This time however, I wasn't finding peace. Part of me was relaxed, but deep inside I was still anxious, disturbed. I struggled with it, but it refused to budge. God, what is this? I cried. After a few moments of silence I gave up trying and sat in misery, trying to ignore this part of me in an uproar.
I noticed some dragonflies flitting around. I like dragonflies. One landed relatively close to me. It'll probably fly off as soon as I move closer, I thought. Nevertheless I moved toward it. Just as I thought, the dragonfly instantly took to the air. However, my disappointment was shortlived. Instead of flying away, the dragonfly came and landed right in front of me. I caught my breath.
God, did you do that for me? Did You bring that little bug right to me? Somehow I knew He had! God, do You really love me that much? To do something so small, yet so personal? I stared at that dragonfly for a good while, enjoying the best feeling on earth.
"But as for me, the nearness of God is my good..." Psalm 73:28
This reminds me of a similar occasion. A few months ago I was working hard on school. I was overwhelmed with tons of catch-up work. I stayed at home all day, every day, for weeks (I'm homeschooled), while my family went places without me. I burnt-out very quickly.
One day my brother had a baseball game in a town a few hours from our house. My family was going to make a day of it. I finally decided to let school go for one day and go along. It was spring, the first really warm day we'd had that year. I gave myself permission to forget about all my worries for one day and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
On the way home I was carefree. I felt as if I could float off the ground. I sang out of sheer need to let some of the joy out that was bubbling up in me.
And then, just as I thought I could feel no happier, God did something amazing, outrageous! A black truck whizzed past me...and on the back window these words were plastered, "Jesus Loves You." Such a simple thing.
I laughed in delight at those three simple words. I thought I would burst with joy. God had done that specifically for me!! He had planned the whole thing. Just think of all the things He had to get together for that truck to whiz past me just at that moment! How marvelous!
I never knew those three words, "Jesus Loves You," could mean so much. We throw that phrase out so carelessly sometimes, without stopping to really ponder the full weight of their meaning. This time it was different though; I knew that God was communicating to me in a special, personal way. It was the best feeling on earth.
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